Have you ever wished that you could control anxiety at a crucial moment like an interview or driving test or during an important exam?  When you feel very happy, don’t you wish you could ‘bottle’ that feeling so that you could summon it up whenever you like?  With NLP anchors you can.  Read on and in a few simple steps, we’ll tell you how!

What is NLP?

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming.  Simply put, it is a method of re-training your mind to think another way.  It abolishes ‘old’ and less than helpful reactions and replaces them with new, empowering ones.  The best thing about NLP is that you are in control all of the time and you work at your own pace.  Creating anchors is a basic, safe and easy NLP technique that everyone can – and should – try.  Let’s get started!

Step One

Which emotional state do you want to anchor?  This is an important step so take your time over it.  Just saying that you don’t want to feel worried or low in confidence isn’t good enough at this stage because although you’ve identified what you don’t want, this is all about identifying what you do want.  Try to define how you want to feel and be specific.  For example, you could choose to feel enthusiastic or powerful.  And don’t forget, you can create as many anchors as you wish, so this isn’t an either/or list.

Step Two

Once you have chosen how you would like to feel, remember back to a time when you felt like that.  It doesn’t matter when it was, as long as it was a strongly felt feeling that you can remember clearly.

Step Three

Now, relax as much as possible and take yourself back to the time that you felt that strong, positive emotion.  Take a little while to really feel it.  Once you are feeling it strongly, try to notice what you were seeing at that time.  What were you hearing?  How did your body feel?  Were you standing tall?  Smiling?  Confident?  Really get back into that moment of time.  As you’re re-living it, notice how the emotional state builds up to its most powerful and then the intensity gradually starts to fade.  That is completely normal, so don’t worry!

Step Four

Repeat Step Three but just as the emotion is reaching its strongest point, make a gesture with your hand.  This gesture will be unique to this emotion.  This could be balling it into a fist, or touching the thumb and finger of one hand together.  Don’t forget, this is something that you will do in public to recreate that emotional state so don’t make it too way out!  You can leave it at just the gesture but if you wish to anchor it even more firmly, you need to do the following.  While still making the gesture, quietly say a word or two that describes the emotion i.e. “cool”, “calm”, “happy” etc.  For even more strength, visualise a picture at the same time of something that you can associate with that emotion.  Take your time choosing as it works better if it is a picture that you can summon easily.

Step Five

Hold that gesture / word(s) / image for a few moments then release the gesture and break state.  That’s an NLP term for changing your emotions fast by thinking about something completely different – like what was the name of your first pet?

Step Six

Once you have completed Steps One through Step Five, you need to repeat them again at least five times.  This is crucial and will make sure that your NLP anchor is strong and will be easy for you to summon when you need it.  So don’t skip this step or it won’t work!

Step Seven

Now it’s time to test the anchor that you have made.  Trigger the anchor by making the hand gesture, saying the word(s) and picturing the image.  If the anchor has worked, you should feel the desired emotion within 15 seconds.  If you don’t or it’s not strong enough, you may need to choose a different experience from your memory that really gives you the feeling that you’re after.

Creating more anchors

If you are happy with your first anchor, you can go on to make more.  Make as many as you like, as long as each one has its own gesture, word(s) and image.  If you’re making a lot, do it over a few days or keep a list to learn off by heart so that you don’t mix up your anchors!

Handy Hints

Only anchor a strongly felt experience that you can intensely recreate in your mind.

Choose an experience that was purely to do with one, predominant emotion and not mixed with other feelings.

Remember to create a unique anchor for each desired feeling so that the state may be easily accessed when you need it.

Timing is crucial, create the anchor before the peak of the remembered emotion and release it before the peak fades away.   

You need to be prepared to put some time into doing this.  You’re learning a new skill so don’t rush it and don’t worry if you don’t ‘get it right’ first time.  Expect to spend around 20-30 minutes creating each anchor.

If you feel the anchor fading, once it’s in use, take some time to repeat Steps One through Seven to re-strengthen the anchor.

Stacking

Once you get used to the concept and creation of anchors, you may like to try ‘stacking’ them.  This simply means that you choose the emotional state that you want and anchor it as we did in Steps One through Seven.  Then you repeat the steps using the same gesture, word(s) and image – but to achieve a different state.

For example, let’s imagine that you wished to anchor confidence.  You’ve chosen to clench your right fist, quietly say “strength” and visualize a picture of Superman.  When you repeat the steps, you may choose to have a big smile on your face, so visualize that, clench your right fist, say “strength” and picture Superman.  When you try out this stacked anchor, you will feel confident and have a big smile.  See how it works?

Once you have mastered anchoring, it can make a huge difference to your life.  The only limit is your imagination and the amount of time that you are willing to put in, in creating, refining and testing your anchors.  The rewards are so great, it’s time very well spent!  Good luck!

If you are an Oprah fan then you will know who Eckhart Tolle is and you will be aware of his book “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment ”.  If you’ve never heard of him, or his New York Times bestselling book, then read on…

Who is Eckhart Tolle?

Eckhart Tolle (pronounced Toe-Lay) was born in Germany in 1948.  He lived with his father in Spain from the age of 13 until he was 19.  Between the ages of 13 and 22, he received no education as he refused to go to school, finding it a “hostile environment”.  However, he studied literature, languages and philosophy on his own and graduated from the University of London.  He then commenced a Doctorate at Cambridge University but didn’t finish this.  He suffered from suicidal depression until the age of 29 when he experienced an “inner transformation”.  He claims that the first books that he read after his awakening, which deepened his understanding, were the New Testament, the Bhagavad Gita (an important Sanskrit Hindu scripture, revered as a sacred scripture of Hinduism), the Tao Te Ching (an ancient book central to Chinese religion) and teachings of The Buddha.

He has lived in Vancouver, Canada, since 1996.

The Power of Now

This was the first of Tolle’s four books.  It was a number one New York Times best seller and has been translated into over 33 languages.  It was slow to catch on but when Oprah Winfrey announced on her show that it was one of her favorite books, it shot to the top of the bestsellers list.  Many have called it one of the most important spiritual books of our time.

The main message of the book is that to find the path to happiness and enlightenment, we must learn how to live in the here and now.  The idea is not a new one but Tolle is great at explaining complicated concepts in easy-to-understand language.  The book teaches you how to stop thoughts and emotions acting as a block to finding peace – and therefore happiness.

There is a lot of information to take on board, including the source of chi (according to Chinese culture, this is an active principle forming part of any living thing and frequently translated as “energy flow”), how to enjoy enlightened relationships, how to use the mind in a creative way and how to understand the cycle of life.  If that sounds like quite a challenge, Tolle has included ‘break times’.  When you reach one of these, he advises that you put the book down and think about what you have just read, to help it sink in.

Tolle’s Other Influences

Anton Schneiderfranken – (who became known as Bô Yin Râ following his enlightenment).  An author on spiritual matters and painter who claimed to have painted Christ as he actually saw him.

Meister Eckhart – Eckhart von Hochheim, (c. 1260–c. 1328), a German theologian, philosopher and mystic.

Advaita Vedanta – a sub-school of the Vedanta school of Hindu philosophy.

Sufism – the inner, mystical dimension of Islam.

The poetry of Rumi – a 13th-century Persian poet, Islamic jurist (a professional who deals with the law), theologian, and mystic

Zen Buddhism – Zen Buddhists believe that all creatures that can feel have ‘Buddah-nature’ – the inherent wisdom of universal nature.  The aim of Zen is to find Buddha-nature within each person by means of meditation and the consideration of what has happened during the day.  Practitioners believe that this gives fresh insights on and perceptions on existence, which will ultimately bring enlightenment.

Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895 – 1986), a renowned Indian writer and speaker on philosophical and spiritual subjects.

Sri Ramana Maharshi (1879 – 1950), an Indian sage who taught by remaining largely silent.  This stilled the minds of his followers who were attuned to it.

Barry Long (1926 –2003) an Australian spiritual teacher and writer.  An advocate of stilling the mind and controversial because of his views on relationships and tantric sex.

Whether you already like Eckhart Tolle from seeing him on Oprah or dislike him, his books are required reading for anyone with an interest in spirituality.  With influences like the list above, they have to be at the very least, fascinating!

Other books by Eckhart Tolle

• Practising the Power of Now – a collection of extracts from the original book ‘The Power of Now’.

• A New Earth – this was chosen by Oprah for her book club and had Tolle as a guest on her Soul Series.  The book topped the New York Times bestseller list in March 2008.
• Stillness Speaks: Whispers of Now – emphasising the art and importance of attaining inner stillness.

Five weeks ago, my daughter left home to go to University.  I had to check the calendar to see how long ago she left and was hugely surprised that it was only five weeks ago.  It feels like a lifetime.  I miss her so intensely that the pain of it still takes my breath away.

For weeks before she left, I was tearful and in a state of ‘countdown’.  Three weeks until she goes, two, one, seven days, six…it was agony.  For such a long time, it seemed as if the departure date was on a very distant horizon.  Then, as these things tend to do, it swung into sharp focus and I couldn’t ignore it any more.  I began to watch her – really watch her.  Like some sad stalker.  Drinking in the things that I knew I wouldn’t be able to see so easily for a long time.  Often, she caught me doing it and teased me…”Making memories, Mum?” and we would both laugh but my heart was already breaking, bit by bit.

She seemed so much stronger than me, on the surface at least.  I held myself together as best I could for her sake as much as mine.  On one occasion, I had taken her to College to see a Tutor and while I waited outside in the car, I played with her iPod.  She often teased me because I couldn’t work it but I got it going and played a song.  “Patience” by TakeThat.  It completely undid me and I still can’t listen to it now although it was one of our favourite songs.  I pulled myself together and tried another.  It was the same for “My Immortal” by Evanescence.  I turned off the iPod and just howled, trying to let the piercing physical pain out while she wasn’t there.  It felt like letting the steam out of a pressure cooker.  I had to let some out or I felt I would burst.  Agony.  She came back to the car, saw my tearstained face and laughed.  So did I.  What else could we do?

It was a busy time, which helped.  She was busy packing boxes and I was busy trying not to cry.  At every opportunity, we went in my car to a tiny local harbor and sat with baguettes and good coffee from our favorite shop.  Talking, listening to music, chatting about celebs, TV, Facebook, relationships, weight, trying to give up smoking…making memories.  How I miss that.

And then suddenly there it was.  She was going tomorrow.  Now the countdown began in earnest.  Twenty four hours, twenty three…I couldn’t sleep that night and couldn’t hold back the tears.  I wanted her to go.  I’m so proud that she has gone and hopefully will start her course soon.  I want her to have her own place with her boyfriend.  They had lived in one tiny room in our home for eighteen months and it was time.  But I was taken by surprise by how much it hurt and still does.

I was never one of those women who dreaded the thought of their kids leaving home.  I always had a list of things I wanted to do, space I wanted to reclaim.  My husband tried to cheer me up by telling me how great it would be when I could finally lay my hand on my hairbrush, my make up, my tweezers.  How tidy the Lounge would be, how the washing machine would be free much more often, how there would be enough hot water left for a shower…all those things are true but I can take no pleasure in them yet.  I would so much rather she was here.

I remember back to when I worked on a woman’s magazine in London.  I was the Personal Assistant to the Beauty Editor.  She was poised, attractive, beautifully made up, perfectly groomed, highly intelligent, a good friend and hysterically funny.  One day, I found her in the Ladies Rest Room.  I thought she was having a heart attack.  She was pale, sweaty and shaking and obviously trying not to cry.  Her son, her only child, had left home that morning for University and she was a mess.  I was shocked to see her like that.  I am that mess now.

To complicate matters, my husband (my daughter’s Stepfather) lost a child from a previous marriage.  His son was eleven when he was knocked over by a car.  He was on life support for a week while they found recipients for his organs.  It gave some pitiful sense to the dreadful tragedy.  I can’t imagine what he went through and my own ‘little drama’ seems so pathetic by comparison.  I can pick up the phone to my daughter, I can Skype with her.  I can see her on her webcam and if I ever get mine working, she will see me too.  My husband doesn’t have that luxury and so I keep as quiet as I can.  But sometimes it’s too much.  I have lost both my Father and Mother and so I know that this feels like bereavement, even though it’s not.

The day she left, we were all falsely bright.  All horribly aware that the moment of parting was getting closer.  We had joked that when it came down to it, we would probably just hug and say “See you!”  and that’s almost what happened.  We hugged in a jokey fashion and I should have left it at that but I couldn’t.  I craved one last, proper hug.  And of course, I started to unravel.  I told her to go then.  Just go.  She could see by my twisted face that I couldn’t do it anymore and turned to go – but exchanged a joke with her Step Dad on the way out to the Ferry.  I don’t remember getting back to the car but I do remember  hearing a very strange noise and then with a shock, realising it was me.  Howling.  Like an animal in pain.  The noise jolted me back and I pulled it together once more so that I could endure waving the Ferry off.  It wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined, mainly because I was so exhausted and felt as if I was in an altered state.  Just like bereavement.

The next day was the worst.  I woke up and then remembered that she was gone.  Even when I managed to stop crying, my eyes carried on – all on their own.  Bizarre.  My husband wasn’t well but selfishly, I felt horribly panicky and just had to get out of the house.  It was so quiet.  Too quiet, painfully quiet.  I really couldn’t stand it.  I drove to our tiny local harbour and sat and cried.  For hours.  Non stop.  It helped but it hurt, so very much.  Then I went home, mindful of my husband’s loss and my need to just get on with it.

Since then, I have reclaimed her bedroom as the Craft Room that I always dreamed of having.  Doing that was intensely painful.  I can’t love it yet since I’d so much rather she was in it.  I’ve stumbled through the weeks.  Some days, it’s all I can do not to fall apart.  Anything else is a bonus.  I know I will see her again but it won’t be for a long time as we live so far apart now and finances are tight for all of us.

Time heals.  I know that.  The trouble is, I also have a son who is about to leave.  So I have to go through it all again.  A friend who has two girls told me it gets easier the second time, but hers left years apart.  Who knows?  I can’t and won’t even try to imagine how it will be.  I will just have to live though it and come out of the other side, like women all over the world do every time a child leaves home.