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Listening – by Dr Robert A Hatcher

How often have you started to recount your day or some incident that has happened to a family member or friend and they immediately want to jump in as start giving you advice on what you should have done and how you should have handled the situation.  Well I think “Listening’ by Dr Robert A. Hatcher, sums it up very well.

LISTENING

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen!
All I asked was that you listen –
not talk, or do
just hear me.

Advice is cheap:
20 cents will get both
Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself,
I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and 
faltering,
but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact
that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit
trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear,
the answers are obvious
and I don’t need advice!

By Dr.Robert A Hatcher
May 24, 1974

You-cannot-be-lonely-wayne-dyerI read this quote today by Wayne Dyer and it immediately grabbed me because I know a lot of people who just can’t be on their own – not even for 5 minutes. When  they find themselves on their own they begin to feel either bored, lonely, panicky, scared or all of these.

To give just one example, I remember watching a TV program where they were renovating a house and the husband mentioned how he had to build an open bathroom as is wife couldn’t have a bath without having him around to talk to.

I am the opposite. I personally love being on my own. Have you ever heard people tell you that they are lonely in a crowd of people – that’s pretty much what I experience.

I don’t mind being with people – I can enjoy their company and have a great time. But oftentimes to me it is very draining especially when I am around people that just constantly chatter about nothing in particular. By the end of the outing I just want to go home, relax and tune out.

We are all different and all experience different things but I just thought that Wayne Dyer’s quote hit the mark. Essentially he is saying that if you have difficulty just being alone with yourself then you probably don’t like yourself very much.

You have to like yourself to enjoy being in your own company.

So what’s the answer?

What you need to do is to figure out what makes you not like yourself and the answer to this is pretty much the same for everyone. You don’t like yourself because at some point in your life you started to believe what other people have said about you. It’s nothing more than that really.

Maybe someone once told you that you are ugly, your choice was either to choose to believe them or not believe them. If you agreed with what they said then you will believe that you are ugly. And that creates a cycle in your life where you start to attract people who think you are ugly and you believe them as well…and on and on it goes.

You have to remember that everyone has a different opinion about things. Just imagine for a moment that you have 10 people in a room – you might have your mom, your cousin, a couple of friends, a work mate, a neighbor and some random strangers you grabbed from off the street.

Now imagine you asked each of them to be totally honest with you and in this imaginary sequence let’s assume that they really ARE going to be totally honest. Now ask them a question. In our example, we might ask them “Am I really ugly?”

What do you expect to be the response? Do you really think that they will all give the exact same answer?

Your mom might say: “To me you are truly beautiful and always have been.” Mom’s do that.

A friend might say: “Well you aren’t really beautiful but you definitely aren’t ugly.”

A work mate might say: “I think you are gorgeous and have been wanting to ask you out on a date for months.”

Your jealous cousin might say: “I think you are ugly. I am the prettiest in the family.”

Your neighbor might say: “Hmm, you’re okay I guess but you ain’t going to make it as a model.”

A stranger might say: “I think you are quite pretty.”

Another stranger might say: “Yes I think you are ugly.”

So which one of those people is correct?  Well the thing is they all think they are the one telling the REAL truth and they could easily argue with each other until they are blue in the face about whether you are really ugly or not.

And why is that?

It is because each of those people have their own beliefs about what is beautiful or ugly and they truly believe those beliefs. Some have been brought up to believe a spider is ugly and something to be feared whilst others have been brought up to think that they are absolutely awesome.

So who is really speaking the truth? The answer to that is simple…they are all speaking the truth because it is the truth for them. On the other hand, they are also not speaking the truth because in reality a spider is just a spider. If you say it is ugly or awesome that doesn’t change the spider – it’s just a spider. It’s only your thoughts that change it for you.

So if we get back to the question we asked and the responses we received, how do we know which person is actually telling the truth about whether you are ugly or not?

Now if you consider the statements about the spider then you will realize that the same applies to you, so you can’t really say who is telling the REAL truth – because it is simply their truth.

Everyone has a different opinion and they each believe that to be reality – it is your choice as to which reality you want to believe. Unfortunately it’s human nature to always choose the most negative option and once we agree with someone’s low opinion of us then it tends to become our belief.

Once you become aware of this you suddenly realize that the beliefs in your head may not actually be true. This is so empowering as this realization allows you to start changing your thoughts so that you can begin to create new ones.

It’s not easy but by just being aware that your beliefs are not necessarily true can open up a whole new world to you. Forget the beliefs and opinions of others where you are concerned and change your thinking to believe how beautiful, intelligent, clever and talented you are and your life will improve in a myriad of ways.

The Whisper of Humanity – an Art Project

whisper-of-humanity-1A friend of my grandaughter is doing an arts degree and she has come up with a rather nice idea for a project she needs to complete.

Rowena has designed some cards which she handed out to friends, with the idea that they would post them in different places and take pictures of them and send copies of the pictures back to her.  Well this is not going quite as well as she had hoped.

So we suggested that we put them up on our blog and our Facebook page asking everyone to share or like one or the other of the pictures, or even both.

So in the comment field either here or on Facebook you can do one of two things

Share the picture and leave the comment ‘Shared’ and the country you live in i.e Shared-Australia.

or you can simply like the picture but still add the country you live in just so she has some idea of how far afield this goes.

So please take a few seconds to help this young lady complete her assignment.

whisper-of-humanity-2

Natural Remedy for Dry Chapped Lips

Sea Buckthorn Oil

Sea Buckthorn Oil

I am one of those people that has constantly dry chapped lips. It doesn’t help that I live in a dry environment but nothing I do seems to help. I’ve tried over the counter products but none seem to work and I have to constantly reapply multiple times throughout the day.

My lips were in a terrible condition this winter with constant peeling and cracking. They were so bad that if I smiled my lips would bleed.

So I made it my goal to find a natural treatment that would actually work. I did a bit of research online and I found 3 different remedies that sounded like they may be worth a try:

1. extra virgin coconut oil
2. sea buckthorn oil
3. vitamin E and honey

I made it my plan to test each one for a period of 3 weeks each. I wanted something that I only had to apply at night just before I went to bed and not have to reapply constantly during the day.

Test 1: Extra Virgin Coconut Oil

I started with extra virgin coconut oil. I love coconut oil. It’s amazing stuff and has a multitude of uses so I was hopeful this would work. I had used coconut oil on my face before and sporadically on my lips but not for a full 3 weeks.

I had read that coconut oil absorbs rapidly so to ensure I got a good dose, before I got into bed at night I would apply a layer of the coconut oil on my face and lips and massage it in. I figured I may as well moisturize the whole face at the same time. Then about 15 minutes later I would apply another layer and then another 15 minutes later I would do the same thing. I might even add another layer if I felt my skin or lips needed it.

What I found after the 3 weeks was that the coconut was wonderful for my skin but it didn’t really help the lips. They were still dry and chapped throughout the day.

Test 2: Sea Buckthorn Oil

So my next test was the sea buckthorn oil. I had some in the house as a friend had recommend it. I had found it amazing on my skin but had never thought to put it on my lips. I didn’t need to apply it multiple times like the coconut oil. Just one drop was enough for my lips and I would also apply it to my face just before I went to bed at night.

After about 3 days I started to notice that my lips were healing. It wasn’t anything dramatic but they were feeling a lot better. I wasn’t applying the oil during the day at all or any other type of lip balm. I was just relying on the sea buckthorn oil that I applied each night.

By the end of the first week, my lips were feeling amazing and were pretty much healed and I was no longer picking off bits of flaky skin. This was amazing as my lips had been in a terrible state for months.

I am still in the second week and although my lips still aren’t perfect, they are still nothing like they used to be. And considering I only apply it at night and use nothing during the day I am really happy.

The brand I use is Sibu which is the one recommended by Dr Oz. You only get a small amount but it goes a long way. You only need a few drops to do your whole face.

Test 3: Vitamin E and Honey

As I write this, I doubt I will get to even try this remedy. The sea buckthorn is working so well that I can’t really test this anyway as my lips aren’t really bad enough.

However, if you want to try this then all you need to do is get some honey (Manuka is probably the best) and smear it on your lips. Then break open a vitamin E capsule and spread the contents over the top of the honey and massage in.

You might even want to mix the two ingredients together before applying to make it easier. Let me know if you try it and if it works for you.

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