The Non-Geeks Guide to Networking Your Computer

This week we networked the computers in our office so that all of the computers could connect to the internet. So we decided to write up instructions for those looking to do the same. So here is the non geeks guide to networking computers:

1. Ask your brother, the computer geek, what you need to buy to get the computer networked.
2. Go to your local computer store and buy the hardware as told to you by your computer geek brother.
3. Go back to your local computer store to exchange the hardware after being told by your computer geek brother that it was the wrong computer hardware to buy.
4. Come home and open up the first box to see what is actually in it.
5. Look at the contents of the box and wonder to yourself what the hell it all is.
6. Take the stuff out of the box and place it on a table and ooh and ahh as to how wonderful technology is these days.
7. Continue to look at the stuff as you wonder what you need to do next.
8. Go back to the box and find a disk with the words “START HERE” emblazoned on the front.
9. Place the disk into your computer and watch as it automatically runs whilst again marveling at the technological advancements of this century.
10. Find out what all the ‘stuff’ is called from the pictures on the disk.
11. Plug all of the hardware into the wall sockets using the nine year old in the house to get under and behind the computer to do it bearing in mind that she could be electrocuted at any moment with the number of cords at the back of the computer.
12. Plug the blue cord into the router thingy and the other end into the back of the computer and not into the back of the modem and ensure the ‘up thingy’ also known as the aerial is plugged into the router thingy.
13. Run the installation disk and sit for 20 minutes waiting for it to install.
14. Curse at the computer as the installation freezes on the screen 1 millisecond before it is complete and won’t go any further.
15. Run the installation disk again.
16. Curse again as it freezes again.
17. Run the installation disk again.
18. Curse again.
19. Take the disk out and throw it across the room.
20. Pick up the disk, put it back in the computer and read how to set up a network manually.
21. Follow the manual instructions and realize at the end of the 30 minutes that the disk installation had worked anyway so you just wasted 30 minutes trying to connect it all manually.
22. Open the second box and wonder what that metal thingy is and what we need to do with it.
23. Ring the computer geek brother and ask what to do with the new metal thingy.
24. Listen as the computer geek brother explains that the software has to be installed first and then the metal thingy.
25. Find the other computer in the house, turn it on and load the disk.
    Install the software.
26. Exclaim loudly…”woohoo!” as the disk actually installs properly.
27. Turn off the computer.
28. Open the side of the computer.
29. Look for a spot in the computer that might fit the metal thingy.
30. Tinker around in there before realizing that you should probably turn off the computer at the wall socket first.
31. Turn off the computer at the wall socket.
32. Go back to tinkering around in the computer.
33. Find the spot where the metal thingy might fit.
34. Push the metal thingy into the slot.
35. Realise that the metal thingy won’t fit into the slot because there is another metal thingy blocking its path.
36. Realise that the other metal thingy has to be removed first from the back of the computer before the first metal thingy can be inserted.
37. Spend 20 minutes trying to remove the second metal thingy.
38. Finally remove the second metal thingy after realizing you only needed to move a tiny plastic knob sideways to get it out.
39. Place the first metal thingy into the slot.
40. Plug the computer back in.
41. Turn on the computer and wait for the New Hardware Found pop-up to appear.
42. Curse as the New Hardware Found pop-up is not appearing.
43. Shut down your computer.
44. Unplug the computer from the wall socket.
45. Tinker around in the computer again.
46. Realise that you didn’t push the metal thingy into the slot hard enough.
47. Push the metal thingy into the slot until you hear it click.
48. Turn on your computer.
49. Wait for the New Hardware Found pop-up to appear.
50. Shout ‘woo hoo” as the New Hardware Found pop-up appears.
51. Wait for it to do its thing.
52. When it does its thing click on the option to Connect.
53. Watch as it tries to connect.
54. When it unexpectantly connects, call to someone behind you to catch you as you fall into a faint.
55. Once revived, go back to your computer and see what it says.
56. When it asks for a network key go back to your first computer and spend 30 minutes trying to find out what a network key is and where you can get one.
57. Come to the realisation that a network key is not something you can pick up at a locksmith that will miraculously allow you to make friends and long lasting relationships over the internet.
58. After the 30 minutes is up ring your computer geek brother to ask where you can get a network key.
59. Listen as your brother tells you that a network key is anything you want to type into the field.
60. Sit and wonder if this means that you can type in a one hundred word blog post or start your own version of War and Peace but finally realize that it probably means that you need to enter a password of some sort.
61. Enter a password.
62. Click Enter.
63. Watch and wait expectantly with eyes transfixed to the computer screen as the computer does its thing yet again.
64. Then suddenly jump up and down as yes it finally has connected and you can download the internet onto the PC.

See that wasn’t that hard.